Chlorella- the Green Gold from the Sea

Chlorella- no it’s not cleaning agent, nor a brand of medicine, nor one of Gwyneth Paltrow’s children. It is, in fact, the best thing that is going to happen to you. Graduated college? Got married? Had a baby? Forget all of those memories. The first day you try out Chlorella will become the happiest day in your life.

Images by duffitness.com and thenaturalpenguin.com

No really, come on, what the f**k is it?

It’s a sea algae that comes in powder or pill form (we’ll be working with the powdered form so that we can mix it with our beloved food). It is CRAZY GOOD FOR YOU. Like, woah, check out some of the superfood buzzwords; cancer-fighting, detoxifying, promotes weight-loss, supports immune system, makes you look younger, lowers blood sugar and cholesterol.

Those are all pretty kick ass. But what makes Chlorella king in the weird powdered stuff I’m willing to eat to be healthy? IT PREVENTS HANGOVERS. Like actually, according to scientists ‘n stuff. As long as you take it before you go drinking, it helps your liver to break down all the crap you put into it, detoxifying as you go, and its jam packed with nutrients that are usually lost during a piss-up. In a study done in Japan, taking Chlorella before drinking, reduced 96% of hangover symptoms. NINETY SIX PERCENT PEOPLE!

After finding this out, I ran straight to my local health food store and got a bag of it. I had absolutely no knowledge of how to make it taste good, so just put a teaspoon of it in my mouth and proceeded to cough green smoke for the next 2 hours. Don’t do that. Instead, try it in a smoothie! Below is a recipe that I love!

                                                            Chlorella Ella Ella Smoothie

Skill Level: -1

Hangover Category: PREVENTATIVE. You could try it the day after but it’s far less effective

Ingredients:

1 banana

1 cup of almond milk

1 passion fruit

1 heaped tablespoon of chlorella

 

Method:

Throw it in the blender. Turn on blender. Turn off blender. Come on Jeff, even you can do this one.

 

TA-DAA! Drink it up and then go off on your night out. Let me know if it worked for you! I have been trying it on and off, and pushing it on my friends for the last few months and have only had a few dodgy results. Remember, 96%. That still leaves 4% of headaches and possible gagging. Having said that, my second time trying it I pushed it to the limit- beer, cider, wine, shots, mojitos. Next day- NO HANGOVER.

Give it a go and send your review in the comments!

Sophie

Pukey Lukey? Spewy Louis? READ ME FIRST

Friends, comrades, fellow Pukees, we are here for you. This is arguably one of the worst kinds of hangovers, the one where you wake up cotton-mouthed, looking like a prune in the desert, but can’t even keep water down. You feel like your body is betraying you. You think to yourself, “Is this it? Is this really how I’m going to die?”

For this kind of hangover, I have devised a simple test to see if you are able to progress onto bigger and better things. If you’re already at this level, you already know you’re pretty f**ked, just cancel all of your plans and get your netflix on. The test will not cure you, however, it will speed your recovery.

Without further ado, here it is:

                                                                  The Frozen Grape Test_

What to do:

1. Put some grapes in your freezer, a whole bunch of em, and leave them there for future times like this
2. Go back to bed, try to sleep if you can. Don’t bother gulping down water if you think you can’t handle it right now
3. When the grapes are frozen, just pop one in the side of your mouth and keep it there
4. If you feel up to it you can give it a chew, or you could spit it out, up to you

 

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

1. As the grape defrosts slowly inside your mouth, your body is able to absorb water in tiny, tiny amounts
2. It’s refreshing as f**k
3. It may help in masking the smell of your puke breath
4. Even if you do puke the grapes back up, hey, at least it tastes like grapes
5. You will feel like an ancient Roman Emperor, and who doesn’t want that?

Look at this freaking guy! Must have had the hangover of a lifetime. Grapes for hair…

 

If you do this for long enough, you will find yourself feeling a bit better, and then can graduate to taking sips of water. From there, you can go all Ginger Tea on your ass and soothe your tum before you even think about putting any real food in there.

 

Good luck and godspeed!

Sophie

Take Another Little Pizza My Heart

 

Hangover Type: Grease Munchies

Skill level: Easy as f**k

Ingredients:

1 wholewheat tortilla
1 tsp tomato paste
A bunch of spinach
A tomato sliced
1 skinless chicken breast or skinless cooked chicken bits
3-4 cloves of garlic
½ a sliced green pepper
A cup of Feta cheese
Dried oregano
Fresh basil

Janis Joplin Soundtrack (optional)

Definitely not bad photoshop

 

How do I make it?

For the chicken breast

1. Wash it, you animal.
2. Cut it into cubes. Try not to gag.
3. Heat a tsp of coconut oil in a pan.
4. Put the cubes in there and toss em around til golden.
5. Sprinkle some dried oregano and basil on em.
6. Take out a piece when you think it might be done and cut it open to make sure you don’t add salmonella to your current list of ailments.
7. Add some salt and pepper

I did it… I gagged

 

For the pizza

1. Preheat your grill. If you live in a hellish pit without an oven, this can also be done in a pan.
2. Wash the rest of your shit.
3. Take a tortilla and spoon some tomato paste on there.
4. Layer up your toppings. Start with sliced tomatoes, then add your peppers, your spinach, your chicken and your cheese. YOUR cheese. It’s all yours, baby.
5. Grill it for 8-10 minutes at 180C(355F) on a tray. Watch that bitch like a hawk. If it’s in too long it’ll get too crispy and break into a thousand tiny pieces when you try to eat it later. Nobody needs that kind of tragedy in their lives.
6. Take it out, top with fresh basil leaves.
7. Slice, let sit for a couple of minutes, proceed to stuffing your face.
8. If you’ve f**ked it up and it is breaking up into pieces then just accept your fate and eat it all in one bite. Take a picture of it and send it to me, please.

Put whatever you want on there, don’t even listen to me, I’m going for a nap

 

Note: If you do not have the ingredients that I used for toppings, you can just use whatever you’ve got in the fridge. Vegetables are always a good idea, but you can really go nuts here.

If you are a vegetarian or a vegan, you already know the deal. Replace the meat with tofu or beans or bits of tempeh, and you can sprinkle a bunch of nutritional yeast on it as a cheese substitute at the end!

If you are not a vegetarian or a vegan but you liked the idea of putting all of that extra stuff on your pizza then go for it son! But be warned- tortilla as a base is not that strong, so you are better of making two…. four… oh go on, seventeen pizzas for yourself and then make some sort of pizza tower with them.

Pizz Out Homies x

Food School: the magestic Sweet Potato

The Sweet Potato.

The beautiful, underrated, comforting, Sweet Potato.

Look at them there, with leaves on top of them, in all of their sweet, sweet glory

What will they do for my hangover?

Your boozin’ last night has fudged up your blood sugar metabolism big time, bro. Sweet potatoes are unrefined carbohydrates- like the natural breasts of the carb world. They have a low glycemic index, so they will help to keep your blood sugar from spiking and prevent you from going on an emotional roller-coaster of mood swings throughout your day. Nobody wants to hear you whining, Becky. Sweet potatoes are also an awesome source of fibre, potassium, beta-carotene, and B vitamins, which you may have peed away throughout the night. Get them into ya!

 

Important Facts:

• Sweet potatoes will last about a month when kept in a dark place at room temperature, or even longer when kept in the fridge
• If you want to freeze them for meal prep, cook before freezing
• Some sweet potatoes look a bit like seal pups

Image by alexott91

“Have ye got any Hash?” Sweet Potato Hash

 

Skill Level: Medium

Hangover Category: I think I’m still drunk! Let’s do this!

Ingredients:
1 sweet potato
1 onion
3-4 cloves of garlic
Fresh/dried parsley
Fresh/dried rosemary
1 Tsp Coconut oil
Salt & Pepper to taste

Feeds 1

How do I make it? Lets begin!

1. Scrub the hell out of the sweet potato. Let’s get real here people. Nobody is doing any peeling today. Just pick off any scary looking bits.
2. Chop it up into chunks. This can be done while sitting on the floor and weeping if necessary. Remember, the smaller the chunks, the faster it will cook.
3. Peel the garlic and just smash it with the side of your knife. BAM!
4. If you’ve got fresh herbs, wash your parsley and rosemary and set aside.
5. Cut up your onion however you want, doesn’t have to look pretty. Let the tears flow from you. Let last nights shame pour from your face.
6. Heat up the coconut oil in a skillet on a high heat. Lob the onion in there, and after a few minutes add the garlic too.
7. Put your sweet potato in there and fry it til it’s crispy. If you see black smoke, turn down the heat. If not, proceed good sir.
8. When it starts to look a bit like food, crack an egg in there, right in the middle of your pan.
9. When your egg is done, sprinkle your herbs on top and add a pinch of salt and pepper.
10. Eat. Dat. Shit.

 

Video coming soon!

 

Disclaimer and FAQ

Some of you may be wondering…

Who are you? Howye! I’m Sophie from Ireland.

What is the Ultimate Hangover Cure Cookbook all about? During a devastating hangover not so long ago, I managed to drag my ass to the kitchen to make some food. Fresh out of freezer pizzas and with no money to order-in, I was left with one option- to cook. I threw together a seemingly normal meal, but to my surprise, within the hour my hangover was gone! Thus, the idea for the Ultimate Hangover Cookbook was born. I want to share recipes with you as I search for the world’s greatest hangover cure, all natural, all food related.

But wait, are you a doctor? No.

Do you have any professional background in cooking or nutrition? Not exactly.

Are you a functional alcoholic? You shut up and grab me another beer, Debra!!

So… why should I listen to you? Because I have dedicated my life to helping us all rid the awful symptoms of a hangover by eating nutritious food. I don’t claim to be an expert chef or a dietitian, I’m just someone who likes to drink and cook a lot.

What if I try out one of your recipes and it doesn’t work? I am not a miracle worker, nor a voodoo witch doctor. My recipes cannot completely cure your hangover, just lessen the symptoms. If it does completely cure it, please let me know! If it doesn’t, I also welcome that feedback! We’re all in the horrors together! It’s my aim to keep on improving and searching until we find the Ultimate Hangover Cure.

I am an expert chef/dietitian/nutritionist/voodoo witch doctor, and I have excellent recipes for hangover cures. Awesome! Even if you are none of the above, we always love hearing other people’s hangover cures. Feel free to contact me, and if your recipe meets our requirements you could be featured on our site!

Sounds good. But just one thing. I can’t cook to save my life. Not a problem. My recipes are tailor made to be super simple, written with as little mumbo-jumbo as possible (what the hell is chiffonade anyway? Just cut the damn herbs), and to be as fast as possible so you can get back to your good oul self in no time.

No need to sniff herbs, just lob it all in there and hope for the best

 

Warning: Cooking while extremely hungover can be dangerous- do not set yourself or your house on fire, do not cut your hands off, ensure meat is cooked through, and if you feel onset nausea coming, turn off all hobs before running to your new home- the bathroom.

You may of course sob wildly at any point during the cooking process, we’ve all been there.

What is the Hangover Cookbook?

Well well well, what do we have here? To better explain the theme behind the Hangover Cookbook, allow me to introduce two friends of mine.

Everybody, meet Becky. Becky is in the thick of a fitness and health craze in an effort to get a smokin’ hot bod. She’s got her new juicer, she’s lifting weights, making gains, reading up on her macronutrients. Does that stop her from getting absolutely shitfaced? Ehhh, no. Not only does Becky throw down 8 rum & cokes, 4 Jager bombs and 2 tequilas, but she also stopped by the local eatery and stuffed her face with a saucy, dreamy Doner kebab. The next day, Becky thinks about all the calories she must have consumed, how many of them were lost through dancing the night away, and the cheeky vomit she had in the taxi home. Do these thoughts help Becky to make smarter food choices the next day? Hells no. Becky is now face down in a pile of mac & cheese she got from a box that has been sitting in her cupboard for over 3 years. Sadly, at her weekly weigh-in, Becky has gained a few pounds.

Now let’s meet Jeff. Jeff is a lads-lad, a manly man, and a lover of all things alcoholic. Jeff doesn’t give a flying f**k about what he looks like and has actually grown quite fond of his ever growing beer belly. However, Jeff feels like crap. He’s tired all of the time, he feels quite irritable, and his farts are toxic enough to empty a crowded bus. His liver resembles a sun dried tomato that was found down the back of the couch at a crack den. Jeff needs our help.

Sound familiar? Fear not friend! The Ultimate Hangover Cookbook is not an anti-drinking, buzz-kill, party pooping parade. It simply aims to help you make better food choices when you feel like death is on your door step, while at the same time simplifying the preparation and cooking techniques.

Now, now, I know what you’re thinking. Hungover people don’t cook! They wallow and sob and hold themselves ever so gently until a good Samaritan offers to make them something. Or even better, they order McDonalds. But what if one day you are alone? What if you’ve lost your phone on a night out? What if your internet goes down? What if all that’s left is you and the fridge? Sure, you could eat slices of cheese or cereal until help arrives, but wouldn’t you be so much more satisfied with a kick ass, restorative meal that took barely any effort to make? You’ve already given enough punishment to your body, give your liver some lovin’ with the Ultimate Hangover Cookbook.